Daughters

      Today I write from the point of view of not only a friend, a sister and a graduate student, but a daughter. I had a dream last night. Much like many dreams I have had in the past two weeks, it was mixed with visions of graduate school and a post-apocalyptic back drop. I found myself stressed when I woke up and I was sure I was supposed to be rested. A firm believer in the idea that dreams can, in some cases, bring to light what you are truly stressed about, I feel that school, while 3 months away is already weighing heavily on my mind. Although I have never been more excited for a new experience to begin, I am continuously made nervous about how much my future will cost. In conjunction with the price tag on American academia, I am in the small percentage of children in the U.S. who are the bread winners for themselves and their parents.

This make me incredibly angry.

     I don't mean to say that I am angry that I am taking care of my mother. Instead, what I mean is that there should be more resources for young women such as myself. I have exhausted all ideas and resources that I once thought were available for people in my position. Knowing this, my education, although coming at a much needed time, seems to be the only thing holding me together at this point. When I woke up this morning I felt a sense of dread. While it could have just been a mixture of not wanting to go to work and having terrible dreams the night before, I picked up the phone and texted someone who I knew would have a wise word to share with me. After telling him what I was stressed about, he asked me "do you have any support with that?" I told him that I had a lot of great support from my partner and friends and that as far as the financial help went, I, was all I had. He then said something that, for some reason resonated with me in many ways. He asked if I "had anyone to discuss my (my mother's) next steps with". This both struck me as much as it made me angry at my situation. Although he was the first person to ask if I had someone to talk to, he voiced the same question that most people ask. Most people being the one's not living in fear of supporting their parents. Many people have asked me if I have "spoken to anyone about my situation". And while they are only trying to be nice and express concern, what they don't realize is that I've asked every organization and charity possible and have even written Ellen DeGeneres multiple times in order to find some relief.  But resources are scarce and my mother and I look and are more put together than most people in our situation may appear. this has even caused our family social worker to not fully help, which she admitted to only after realizing we are truly struggling.
     There is not a day that goes by that I am not applying for scholarships or looking for a second job in order to make life a little bit easier. All I can ask is that this reaches others who are struggling or watching there parents struggle. There is hope.

131 scholarships and counting......

Twelve Steps to Graduate School

     Although the post of this articles may seem to detail steps one must take in order to gain acceptance to graduate school, I have to admit, it is very misleading. Throughout my life I have been exposed to the idea of AA's motto, "one step at a time". Either through loved ones in recovery or attending Allanon, I have found that this motto very much sums of my current point of view. 

     Seeing that all my goals are in reach has made me realize that I need to do everything I can in my power to make sure they come true. however, I have a huge road block in my life- my family's homelessness. The more that I work 7-day work weeks and the more I struggle to save for school, the more it has come to my attention that although I am taking care of my family, I need to begin to take care of myself.  Taking care of myself in the sense that I make sure that by the beginning of school, I at least have a bed to sleep in. For the time being, at my home, I do not have a personal area and if I want to sleep I have to sleep on the living room floor. This causes me such stress that the only solution I can think of is literally living in libraries and cafes on my down time from school and work. When I think about this a become fraught with fear, I remember life can only be taken "one day at a time". 

     My scholarship search is very much motivated by my belief in taking my life one step at a time. For everyday that I continue to apply to scholarships, I feel that I am making a dent in the amount of debt that I will have when I finish my doctoral program. I also feel, however, that simply working, saving and applying to scholarships is not enough in this economy. Although I would love to be one of the lucky few who believes in the idea that "the sky is the limit", it seems that every star in that sky costs 49.95 before tax. For this reason, I have found a new passion in creating a foundation for students such as myself.

    Although a lofty goal, and, one that will not truly be accomplished until I am out of school, it is very important to me that something be created for students experiencing foreclosure, homelessness and the effects of psychological homelessness. Not having a place to call home contributes to anxiety, depression and the inability to feel comforted because you know you do not have a place to call your own. For families around the country homelessness has become a reality. And, in a state requiring more people to acquire higher levels of education to solidify employment, homelessness makes it almost impossible to focus on anything let alone earning a post-secondary degree. The home that my mother owned for 20 years and raised me in, was on Ramsell st in San Francisco, California. For that reason I have decided to name my future foundation, "The Ramsell Foundation". Although it will take years for this dream to be accomplished, I will continue to take my life one step at a time until I reach my goal.

120 Scholarships and counting......

Donate To My Education

   Hey Everyone,

As you know, I have been accepted to a doctoral program in clinical psychology and will start at the Wright Institute in the fall. While I am elated about having been accepted, I am also well aware of my tuition costs and have applied to over 120 scholarships in the past two months. While filling out scholarship, grant and fellowship applications, I have created a blog about my experience and education in America called The Doctoral Student Cook Book. Any and all donations are appreciated and will go directly toward my doctorate. Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout this journey.

Castle Ink Scholarship Entry

      In addition to applying to scholarships constantly, I have had to adjust my lifestyle and tweak it in ways in order to be able to save for graduate school. While paying for school is incredibly important to me, one thing that has also always been important to me is being able to express myself through fashion. With the rising cost of fashion and a desire to want to have my own look, I have found that wearing recycled, pre-owned or vintage clothes, gives me the look I want at a price that I can afford.
   I first started recycling and wearing vintage clothes when I was in high school. I wore it less for fashion and more because my family could not afford to buy new clothes. Now, I love to wear recycled clothes to fit with my style but also because it allows for me to constantly update my wardrobe and still be able to save for graduate school. Additionally, because I am constantly updating my wardrobe, I am able to recycle my clothes by either giving them to other woman or donating it.

This entry is for a scholarship from castle ink. For those who read this blog please click on the link below so that they can track how many people are viewing my blog.
http://www.castleink.com/

What to Consider When Having Children:Tuition Costs in 2030

      Although this blog is not focused on raising children or starting a family, I was shocked this morning when I say the headline on yahoo's homepage. While scanning over the page, I saw something that read, "The Inflation of Life - Cost of Raising a Child Has Soared". Because I was raised in a family that struggled and continues to struggle financially, I tend to pay attention to any headlines addressing the future, finances and the economy. While very focused on how raising a child is only going up in cost, I was interested to see that, in this article,  the topic of high school, college and earning a post-secondary degree is only a small factor in the list of growing expenses. And, funny enough, I had the forethought to include high school and post-secondary education in the list of child rearing expenses, whereas the author of the original article did not. 
  Below is the ENTIRE portion of this article written on college tuition. It doesn't even scratch the surface. 


     "There's no rule that says you have to help your child with college expenses, of course, but if you plan to do so, you'd better start budgeting for that as well.The average cost of a four-year college for in-state residents, including tuition, fees, room and board, climbed 6 percent for the 2011 and 2012 academic year, averaging $17,131, the College Board reports. A public four-year school for out-of-state students cost an average $29,657 this year, while four-year private colleges cost more than $38,000 per year. Knotts cautions parents, however, to save for retirement first before throwing money into a tax-advantaged 529 college savings plan. After all, there are no scholarships or loans for retirement."
     While I am not surprised about the cost of raising a child going up from year to year, I am surprised that this article even hints to the fact that you could have children that do not go to college. By this I mean that by putting so much pressure (financial pressure) on soon to be parents, children, even those on their way to college, will be expected to find the most inexpensive education they can. Although great for the pocketbook, education should not be measured in how much it costs or how far in debt the child will be to their parents. My opinion is not that every person is made to go to college or has to. It is, however,that if I am part of american society, than I grew up being pushed and pressure and stretched to my wits end in order to gain acceptance to every college I applied to. This falls even harder on high schoolers who know that unless they work hard, they will not be attending college because their families simply cannot afford it. Although tuition costs are rising, I hope that there is a dramatic change in the amount of importance this country actually places on education. Even if the changes are not made while I am still in academia, I would not wish this struggle on anyone else. 

One hundred and eleven scholarships applied to and counting. 

Bright Minds?

      This post is very much inspired by a conversation I had yesterday with someone who helps create the scholarships for PG&E. While at an event for women owned and operated businesses, I was approached by a woman who heard that I was a 22 year old and had recently been accepted to a doctoral program.
     Our conversation started off with hope and a  promise of enlightenment but ended with a note of dismay and an overall feeling of fighting a battle I was not going to win. When she walked up to me I saw a woman who looked well-dressed and full of zest. My hope for this conversation was reinforced by the fact that she not only created scholarships but was a personal college counselor for high school seniors around the city. Throughout the conversation she continued to tell me how amazing I was and in the same breath told me that there was "simply not enough money to go around." She did however, give me some insight into the resources that might be available through private funding and through agencies around the country.
    The long and the short of what I got from this conversation and most of what she actually told me was that "everyone", meaning schools, organizatgions, websites and administration, says that there are scholarships and grant money to be had. But in all actuality, most of the scholarships advertised by websites and free search engines are also being advertised a hundred other places. So, in contrast with school administration telling you, "there's money out there, you just have to apply to it" or "no one applys because they wont think they'll get it, so apply and you'll get it", I've got a woman who helps create scholarships telling me that its actually very much the opposite. I couldn't help but feel as though she had popped by preverbial hope bubble. Being young and suprised at my successes in life, I am hopeful to a fault at times.This conversation showd me that I really need to come to grips with the fact that even though Im putting so much energy into paying for my education, if no one knows about it, no onw will help. for that reason, I have decided to just keep trucking and apply to as many scholarships, grants and sweepstakes as I can get my hands on.
However.....
    This leaves me with so many unanswered questions which are as follows:
-If the country is encouraging students to get higher and higher degrees to ensure long-term employment, who is going to pay for mt education?
-If the minimum wage is such that working full-time is still living below the poverty line, how many hours do
I need to work while going to school in order to feed,clothe myself and pay for housing?
- How long will it take me to pay back my student loans?
- How much will my first job pay once I have finished my doctoral program, and, will it be enough to cover paying back my loans and supporting the family that I will probably have by the time Im out of school?
-If I have applied to over 300 scholarships by the fall and have not be awarded a single one, what do students without the time, energy or drive do to afford post-secondary education?

The Economy's Effect on Students: How Many Scholarships Do You Need to Apply For?

       Somewhere between January and February, I began applying for scholarships. I have been accepted to a five year doctoral program and still have not figured out how I am going to pay for it. While only 22, I have gone through such hardship that I feel as though getting my doctorate is the only way for me to know that I am truly making a difference for my family. My mom and sister are currently homeless and I am supporting them on a job that is paying me just barely above minimum wage. Knowing this, early this year I started applying for giveaways, contests, and scholarships of all kinds.
       I initially, only started this blog because it was a requirement for a scholarship. However, I felt that it would be a great place for me to post my personal statement that I used to get into graduate school -it really explains all of the things that I have been through in my life. Because I work a desk job, I am able to apply to scholarships for about 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. After about two weeks of applying to scholarships, I became really curious as to how many I had already applied to. Having been on many scholarship websites already, I noticed that many websites had the same scholarships and I needed to become a member of as many sites as possible. It was at this time that I also started writing down the scholarships that I have applied to. Whether it was 500 dollars or 50,000, I made sure to apply for it as well as I could. The list that I now have is extensive and continues to grow.
  In total, I have applied to 106 scholarships- as of this afternoon, and still  have not heard of any acceptances. For someone working this hard to pay for their education, its amazing to me that I am unable to find the money I need. This blog serves as both the beginning of telling my scholarship search story but also as a way to make everyone aware of how hard paying for your education can be even when you're putting in enough hours for it to qualify as a full-time job.

Spiraling Economy and Rising Tuition

If you know what it feels like to be homeless, and a victim of the economy, continue to read this post. My name is Audriannah Levine-Ward and  I am a recent college graduate and a soon-to be doctoral student in San Francisco, California. While I am lucky enough to be blessed with the ability to receive a post-secondary degree, throughout my college experience, I experience death, unemployment, illness and homelessness all before I graduated.  During this very upset political climate, the largest political issue that I believe should be focused on is the economy. While “the economy” could mean many things, to me, it means unemployment, homelessness and the overall recession in both the U.S. and around the world.

I think that this issue is being addressed and at the same time swept for daintily under a giant rug called “progress”. The government continues to claim that jobs are being created and that unemployment rates should begin to at least plateau, and yet, the unemployment rate is still sitting pretty at 8.2% throughout the country. when I entered college in the fall of 2007, my mother and her fiance were able to go on a trip while I was in school and still come home to a victorian in San Francisco. By my senior year, my mother, sister and I had given hospice to both of my grandparents in our home, had watched my mom die and be revived twice on our sofa and, by the time graduation came, my whole family was homeless living in a car.

While the above illustrates how our failing economy continues to fail those who are unemployed or on disability, the economy is also beginning to fail students.

The costs of postsecondary education has been rising for decades in the United States. It continues to rise today due to a failing economy that requires: higher levels of education for employment, specialized programs in private (for profit) universities, and higher tuition rates to account for the lack and decrease in federal grants, loans and scholarships.

With an economy failing its people, especially those over 40 years old, in order to find and retain employment, one must have a college degree. ”Access to family-supporting jobs now requires education or training beyond high school, but college is becoming less affordable and the education “pipeline” from high school to and through college remains shockingly inefficient, despite the reform efforts of the past several decades.”(pennington,p.2) In addition to having a BA, many jobs are now requiring or replacing their older employees with younger, college educated, employees who have their MA and will work for less pay.

In a country with inflation and mass bankruptcy, many students are using their education as a platform for specialization in order to solidify employment after graduation. However, the students who choose to go to private or professional schools, are also paying about twice the amount for a specialized education. “Students and their families are taking on higher debt, and costs may deter students from attending college. An ongoing trend of declining affordability will compromise the state’s ability to maintain the educated and innovative workforce needed for California’s future.”(http://www.cpec.ca.gov) In exchange for a specialized education and higher employment opportunities, families are paying out of pocket and increasing their personal debt.

The largest factor contributing to the rising cost in postsecondary education is the shrinking of the federal government's grants, loans and scholarships for students. Although there is a great deal of financial aid available to first-year and undergraduate students, postsecondary education is usually the most expensive and the least provided with grants and scholarships.

My Personal Statement for Doctoral Acceptance

To see through the eyes of someone who does not have psychological or medical care is to see through the eyes of someone who is living in fear. At a young age, I realized that, in different ways all people need someone elses help at some point in their lives. I witnessed first hand how hard life can be without access to counseling and medical services. Growing up, I lived with a single mother who worked three job and had to raise myself and my sister alone. Without someone to help my mother and give her an outlet, she was constantly exhausted and saddened by our way of living. Additionally, not only was my mother raising us alone, she was raising us while battling a long time war with hepatitis C. For years, while my sister and I were in school, we were constantly aware that we did not have the resources or help that all the other children had. When we needed or wanted someone to talk to and felt that we could benefit from counseling, we could not see a therapist because we could not afford it. For this reason, we learned to grow up quickly and counsel each other in school and our social lives with only our mother’s help.

When my sister or I needed to see a doctor we had to go through an exhausting process of calling every clinic throughout our city to see if they had space to take us that day, week or even month. Upon waking into clinics for both psychological or medical care, the scene that one sees is something that can only be truly understood by those who have experienced it first hand. The clinics are small, hot and filled to the brim with men, women and children who need help and have no way to access it. Upon entering a clinic one may see children crying, exhausted mothers and overall, people who feel that they have nowhere to turn and no one to help them. The overwhelming sense of fear in the room is mixed with worry about who the doctor or therapist will be and if they will ever get to see them a second time. Other concerns lay in the fact that those who were there for emergencies such as rape or sexual assault, had no one to advocate for them and did not know where to access therapeutic resources for their trauma.  Additionally, without the ability to even simply reach a doctor that they can develop a close relationship with, women have even less resources available to them then the rest of the clinic’s population. Upon this grave realization, I knew that I had a strong passion to help women with their reproductive and psychological needs that was driven by my overall deep desire to bring psychological services to those that need them the most.

While I had experienced what medical care was like when one did not have resources, it was not until I did hospice care for both of my grandparents through college that I realized my passion for psychological care.During the time I spent taking care of my grandparents, I watched  as their psychological states changed from simply aged to distant and detached. I experienced days in which I would walk into my home, met by an 80 year woman accusing me of being a burglar or a stranger. As this began to happen more frequently and as I learned more about psychology and the biology of the brain, my desire to help those who need psychological care but cannot obtain it reached its peak. It was then that I knew the best gifts I could give another person are access to services and resources. While attending Mills College, providing peer based clinical and psychological resources to the students was made one of my top priorities. I ran and was a board member of an on campus free clinic called the Mills College Women’s Health Resource Center. Our main focus was to provide free and confidential resources to students who could and couldn’t afford the on campus student health plan or who would rather seek out services provided on a peer to peer basis. This allowed me to not only provide medical resources to students but also to hold events that introduced students to topics surrounding sexuality and health that they had not been exposed to. I was and still am very focused on showing women at my college that not only could they explore their health and sexuality without scrutiny, but that simply expressing themselves in a healthy way was a positive experience.However, my desire to help others truly became clear to me when my family and I became homeless when I graduated college. Due to my mother being sick and unemployed most of my college career, by the time I was a month away from graduation she an my sister were living out of a car and living off of the money my mother made from selling her art and the money I made at both of my jobs. Knowing I could not attend graduate school if my family and I were homeless and my mother still did not have proper medical care, I dedicated the last yea to helping others in any way I could.

After graduating college, I began interning for Bay Area Women Against Rape, on the crisis hotline and as a member of the sexual assault response team at Highland hospital. While working for BAWAR, I counseled survivors of sexual assault and molestation. This work completely reaffirmed my ever increasing passion for women’s health. With every client, in addition to simply having someone to talk to, they left our time together with a better understanding of how to connect with others on multiple levels and a belief in their own personal power as survivors. Working for BAWAR strengthened my faith both in myself but also in other people. By doing this work, I have learned that there is a longing in every person just to be heard and understood. With every volunteer position I am given or hot line call I take, I am hopeful that I am helping someone see that strength can be found in simple human connections.

Obtaining my doctorate in clinical psychology will allow me to take a raw desire to help others and watch it blossom into a resource. With this carefully cultivated resource, I will be able to help those who do not have access to medical and psychological care. My future goals involve both private practice work and opening my own women’s free clinic. In my private practice I hope to create long lasting connections with my patients and help them move closer to psychological health. In opening a women’s free clinic I hope to provide women and children with medical and psychological services that they would otherwise not be able to access due to lack of insurance or needing resources that are not covered by their insurance. I intend to use my education to provide a true personal connection to trauma survivors and help them understand the personal tools they can use in order to maintain psychological and physical health.